Chal...Chayya! Chayya!

The visual perspective when we are working and when we are not are utterly different. Working and not working should be sorted out as ‘with Job’ and ‘Jobless’ correspondingly, to remove the confusion of people who have a Job but not working.

 My friendship with trains started with the local trains in Mumbai. I was not that much into long distance train journeys. You can catch mid-night aircrafts (the Indian ones coming from Sand Dunes in the Middle East to Kerala via Mumbai); when you are drawing a salary.

It was a great experience in understanding and learning by-heart;

-Where to stand to penetrate the IInd class coaches,

-Which door side to descend, How to move inside and outside the train with the mob in 15 seconds,

-How to enter the train without falling between the tracks (Falling on the platform is not considered),

-How to run in the station to catch the particular train, -How to hang on without hitting your head on the electric and signal posts,

-How to keep your eyes off the Shiv Linga of those acting and non-acting ‘Hijdas’,

-How to keep the mind cool while seeing a part of a human body or the whole of it on tracks,

-How to tackle the TTR,

-How to make use of a 3 centimetre square area and stand like a crane,

-How to dodge the pan spitting etcetera, etcetera.

Moving from India’s Functional capital to the IT-City made me closer to my native. I became a frequent traveller to Kerala every weekend. Thanks to the Low Floor Multi Axle Volvos operating. But it didn't take me long in changing to an Ordinary Volvo passenger, then to an A/C Bus, to an Airbus, then to ordinary state permit buses. When that also was making my pockets light, I became a Train ‘ami’. Thanks to the online booking services and offerings (Even a low class Toddy shop has a more user-friendly website.)

The trains are superb than their website. I think only Keralites take ticket; Any type of reservation is enough. A bottle of ‘coloured’ mineral water would help you off. Half Kilo of Onion would also aid you in getting a sleeper from any type of ticket as it costs more than an average bribe. The coaches are so beautiful except they are allergic to water. Carry some newspapers if you are in a non-A/C coach if you don’t want to drench yourself in your sweat or other’s. Be careful if the fan is working as you can get your hair or fingers inside it.

The meal in Southern Railway is a million-dollar business. Please give priority and preference to the chai-wallas waiting outside the urinals, as they have to make tea inside, on time. Carry a stick or at least an Air-gun to shoot the ferocious fish jumping out of fish curries. Don’t panic if you see a family standing up and offering prayers, most of the people give respect to the old chickens in the biriyani.  

The urinals should never be washed as everyone love to see the previous meal inside that and vomit. You could be penalized if you use the urinals when the train moving, so use when the train stops at a station. Time moves so fast as you enjoy the daily state meetings of mosquitoes inside. It’s not in the railway dictionary of the workers to wash the compartment floors. Your luck if some beggars singing the latest movie songs do the sweeping. 

One station to another, slower than the slowest snail, from there to another;

‘Subh Yathra’

Tail Piece: Kerala is getting a railway coach factory? Great! All the Coaches would go to the North. Good for the Buffalos, Farming tools in the first class, and sacrosanct cows in A/C.

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