Health Consciousness

"You are the one, and only one who can buy useful things for this house. What is your opinion of buying two more like this?” 

Got up hearing this unusual and rare praise my room-mate flung at me… I peeped to know WHAT was that thing that I had bought and he liked and wanted to buy two more?

Only once I looked, and my heart broke… It was that THING which I had bought with an announcement “Now you guys are going to see some changes in me”….My Exercise console (It came with two free dumbbells). He was putting his washed soaking jeans on it for drying, with a free advice “Once in a blue moon at least climb on this; otherwise it will forget its own use.”

What he said is correct, and to be frank, till date I had not had the slightest feeling to climb on to it. Leave that, being little bit health conscious joined a yoga class last January. I came down the stairs with the receipt after paying the bill, and have not crossed that building ever since. There was tension within me till first week of February and it got over after that because the course was only till that date. To overcome that sadness syndrome joined I joined an aerobic class with my friend. He joined and I vaporized and came back to life in front of the T.V.

“I have to change. Something has to be done. Let this exercise console be my friend's drying stand." Usually this resolute adherence to my own ideas or desires will go if I dilly-dally for sometime. But this time it is not going. The very next day I went to Nike showroom and bought the Gym dress codes including a good pair of footwear for a good four digit number. Credit card swiped with a swish! Got a passport size photo, looking as if I was going to kill the cameraman, put all the stuffs into a bag and left for joining a Gym.

The receptionist, a girl, smiled and swiped a nice amount from my card, and I became a privileged member of that fantastic Gym. “When are you going to start”… “From now, this moment” came my reply. She may have thought “Oh this guy has got a great interest and is health conscious.” The truth only I know “If I leave today, I will not see the Gym steps again.” I changed my clothes and viewed myself in the mirror. Va bhai Va! That is what is called a Gym attitude. Now just attack the Gym and do some circus.

There were so many types of machines, and on that people were in different postures. There were people walking, running, lying, sitting, standing, some were even lying like a vampire bat-upside down. Confused on what I should get my hands on first I looked around like a lost puppy. Ahh there……. A HULK! He told he would be my instructor. 6-6.5 feet tall, wearing a T-shirt as if its squeezing him, muscles standing up as if they want to come out-from everywhere, a tattoo which I could not interpret, a hat covering his bald head, and a line beard as if someone has marked with a permanent marker. I was like David in front of Goliath.

First, warm-up. It is so easy, just have to throw your hands and legs here and there, up-down, and up-down. I completed it with easiness and asked “NEXT”? “Thread-mill”. He set the speed and all for me and went away, instructing “you can take rest if you get bored.” “I, who used to walk kilometers to my school, going to get bored on this stupid small piece of walking machine, HUH!” Thinking this I got on the machine and started to walk as if walking on a beach enjoying a nice breeze. Then I realized am not alone, a cute girl on my side is also undertaking this walking punishment. In our talk she told that she wanted to lose 10 kilos. I looked at her………Top to Bottom and thought “she would be invisible if those 10 kilos were gone, for sure. Pffff”! I ignored her. After some time she increased the machine speed and started to run. Will my male ego sleep then? NO! I also increased the speed and started to run like hell. I did not stop with that, again increased, increased and at last I was running with full power and energy as if there was a stray dog running behind me glaring his teeth. I did not fall off with my head banging somewhere only for the sole reason that I got hold of the speed reducing knob. "EVERY DOG HAS ITS DAY" consoling myself, went back to my beach walking speed. Do not ask me if the girl was impressed with my presentation, did not even dare to look at her.

Due to my sincere walking with lots and lots of dedication my throat dried up. To get down and drink some water, someone has to stop this machine. I tried to call my Goliath. Because I did not knew his name I was calling Excuse me! Excuse me! Because of my tiredness my Excuse me was coming out as Kiss me!, Kiss me!. To avoid some slaps I jumped from the machine. Somehow managed to get off that without any bruises I went and found out the Goliaths name- Johnson.

Next was a stick trick. Seen the stick used to beat the carpets, ya same one. He made me keep it behind my neck and then have to keep my hands over it. I came straight and looked at the mirror. Jesus Christ? Somehow with some creaky sounds from my joints and some moaning I completed that set also.

Then I was led to a machine, looks like our cycle. Goliath called it a Stepper. You have to pedal it and seat will go up and down on that. He asked me to do that for 15 minutes and went. First it was fun, like riding a horse. I thought of being Tipu Sultan and made Tak, Tak sounds quietly and rode the horse. Hardly 2 mins, the horse gave an indication that it will not move. I realized with pain that it was not the problem with the stepper. It was because I could not move my legs and pedal it. Somehow frequent visits to the cooler for water I made to sit on top of that and finished the set.

Now the first day functions are getting into its climax. Next program is lifting blocks. Ah! Dumbbells!! I went there as if I was using these from the time I was born. Johnson (the instructor) took two of them and held as two flowers. I also took it as if I was an expert. He lifted the dumbbells straight up. The muscles on the hands of Johnson were dancing. I looked on to mine. They have not heard that name muscle. Not that, the dumbbells in my hand which has to be lifted is remaining down. Made all the nine and extra five more expressions on my face and lifted it, small crackers started bursting inside my head. At last when I felt the whole weight would be gone and I will float inside the Gym like a feather I went and sat on a chair. I wanted to shout “My head is spinning and am fainting”, but no sound was coming. Suddenly I heard a bird calling “John...Ssoon.” I looked around and realized that it was not a bird, but was me who was calling. It was the first time I was calling someone so pathetically. The stars and comets finished their roles inside my head and I got my eye sight back. Johnson was standing with a glass of water. Suddenly from nowhere I got lots of strength, I pushed Mr. Hulk hard out of the way and ran. The marathon ended near the washbasin at the corner. I gave out even the first drop of milk I drank.

Now you may think I have stopped my visit to Gym. No my friends, as long as there is a chair to sit and a washbasin no powers can stop me.

Now the benefits I got from one weeks Gym routine. The muscles (even I did not know that they were in my body) have started to reveal themselves. Whatever small move I make, they give signals. Those signals traveled in all directions, ceased on my tongue, and freed themselves through the mouth transforming into "AAHHHS" and "UOOHHHS". I, who used to roam a lot with friends, stopped all that and am now walking like a robot. Seeking a lot of help from lifts and escalators as hands and legs are not interested to use the stairs. In short there are only two parts which are not affected, the fingers and tongue. To curb the sadness and irritation that others are not working I am making these two work a lot.

Courtsey: A beautiful nice malayalam .pdf file which I came across. My memory is not refreshing to get the author's name. Anyway hats off!
Picture courtesy: 934 Life.